Patience, yeah yeah yeah..

Feeling a strange mix of impatience, excitement, exhaustion and something else tonight...
a bitches or witches brew that's got me feeling somewhat out of it.

Maybe it was just the early morning, maybe it was forgetting to eat, maybe it was watching too many film noir dvd's before bed last night (Double Indemnity, The Maltese Falcon, Laura.. then Battle Royale, I know it's not film noir, it's just awesome)

I trialled (can that really be how you spell trialled? Or trial-ed?) two new songs at The Famous Spiegeltent the other night, Low High and In Tongues.
It felt really good, a bit like an awkward first date that you can sense is going to get better.
The talking too fast, too much, or not enough. The chipping your tooth as you bite down too hard on the fork. The regret of ordering marinara, red blobs of stain inducing fishy-fused sauce flying through space and time onto white napkins and ill-chosen white dresses..

When you're too excited to eat what you ordered anyway.
Kinda like that..

I'm going to have to start meditating again to see me and my lack of patience through till album release time.
Just playing live a little made me realise what a strung out weirdo I can be without it in my life.
Not rehearsing, which I do lots of, but performing. Sharing. That's a vibe I cannot tap anywhere/way else. And I love it.
Comes right after writing the first verse in the hierarchy of my favorite things about being a musician/performer. My friend JoJo Smith, an amazing troubadour blues soul creature who has been at it for years, who still gives electrifying performances every other weekend and is older than my mum..
She calls it the 'Love Light'.
She sings a great jazzy song about it.. (and those two words are usually mutually exclusive for me)

The light that you feel you're under and being bathed in when you're having a good gig.
It's really a privilege when you get it.. that rosey orange glow. That's how I imagine it anyway, it's probably different for everyone. That glossed over look from Bill Withers to Janis to a concert cellist, it's a sign that they're in their 'love light'. Some people get all religious about music (I think I am one of them) probably because of this very feeling and I can't imagine what Gospel singers must feel having real faith AND a good gig? Phewwwweeee,
that'd be out there. Talking Al Green Dalai Lama radiance out there.

That's got to be the title of a Bob Dylan song, surely.
Speaking of God.

Well, I better take these ramblings inside, but in short I am busting to get out there and play my album, which I'm sitting on like some anal retentive bird on an egg, make that cloaca retentive, LiVE.
To sweat and sing and see and saw. Take the stage and the back stage and the no-mans land in between to my bosom and squeeze it. There will always be bad or difficult gigs, but the good ones make them wash out, into mere memories, for a night or two anyway. The good ones give you life long lasting gold flecks in your heart that don't come out.
The only catch is they itch when they have been kept in the dark too long, they tickle and tug at you to put them back in the light of their maker, the rock what they was chipped off, to flare up in salute to the glowing orb of the love light.